Oh My God! - Jonas Gardell

Joooonnaaas! You are so hot! My idol! Brilliant! I will never miss an episode. It's so interesting!You learn so much from this show, makes you question everything you believe in. Jonas is so good in explaining everything with his own words so it becomes easy to understand. And he is sooo funny! Intelligent, smart and sexy! If I was a man and gay I would so not say no!! Haha!

Much Love to you Jonas!

Anna Bergendahl - This Is My Life

I love this song.

Henk Wesseling

I have been reading this book for so long I should be ashamed of myself!!
But it is a heavy book! You really need to focus to follow!
I got sick of it often haha :P
Though IT IS NOT A BAD BOOK!
It is simply brilliant! I'm just a little lazy, that's all! :)
Henk has written this masterpiece very detailed with a good structure.
His passion for the story he is telling shines through the words.
I think...compared to a lot of history-books Henk makes it very personal.
He describes the people so well they become real within me.
All the information is given with a bit of himself. With a twist of his humor.
The book is by the way about the kolonasation in Africa 1880-1914.
It's very interesting!
I am fascinated about this story. Fascinated..angry and sad.
Angry at the world.
Sad for all the people who had to suffer.
But it is how it is...
Thank you Henk for everything you thaught me!

Love

Shop Til U Drop.

For once, I shopped...
I don't shop much at all.
I used to, but now I care about other things.
Since I got back to Sweden I didn't have a home and I saved everything I can...
Am just buying whats necessary... Have some fun also but..I don't need STUFF.
I can't stay away from the book-sail though haha! :P
But today I was in town with my very good friend Roxanna.
I've known her since I was 7 years old. She's the best!
I needed new clodes for when I leave to Zambia..
So I baught 2 pants, underwear and 5 shirts. Some on sail.
Was also looking for shoes but I couldn't find any.
I was happy about them...but not anymore.
Owen in Zambia just called, needs money for his studies and his leg is not healing cause of probably both lack of knowledge and medical care.
I feel ashamed.
I've been out shopping all day in my fancy capital city, and what does he have?
Am afraid to go back. I don't want them to admire what I have. I don't want them to ask for the money they know I earned in my country. I don't wanna be the "lucky" one.
I want to be like them.
I'm spoiled I guess. What I appritiate most of what I have here is my freedom and oppertunities.
I can live how I wanna live.
I can be whatever I wanna be.
Why me?

Love

Seek Your Truth

The questions have been asked so many times they are not possible to caunt.
And still, there are no answeares.
Still, we keep seeking the truth.
Or did someone find it?
If so, who did?
Muhammed? Jesus? Buddha? Or Darwin?
WHO IS RIGHT?
Choose! And choose carefully, cause if you pick the wrong dude you might be sent to hell.
No pressure though!
You've only got one lifetime, one chance to be success!
BUT, you need to find your inner peace...Huuummmmm....

SO!
We are born, we live and we die.
Were do we come frome?
What's the meaning of life?
What comes after the end?
Not knowing that is terrefying.
Is not strange we need to believe.
It wouldn't be strange if every religion would be all lies, created by us.
That would be very logical.
But I also heard, that logic is overrated.
Probably we seek answears impossible to find.
Still we will probably never give up the search.

Heaven and hell.
Black and white.
Right and wrong.
Bad and good.
We see, we judge, we punish and reward.
Does God do that too?
Is he really that simple?
We split EVERYTHING in two pieces.
Cause we are fearing the other half.
To admit that we did wrong, that there is "evil" inside of you and that hell is right here on earth is not easy...So we blame.
Who's fault is it that we are not happy?
We beat.
We take.
We scream.
We evan kill.
Trying to catch evil.
Abviously, the hunt will go on forever.
Cause nobody got happier after killing all those jews.
The 11 september did not satisfy the terroirists.
And the europeens hunger for power was not reduced after taking over Africa.
In the name of God we kill.
Craap, he must be so proud!!!

I guess what drives us, is a wish to be bigger.
To matter.
We don't realise that we alredy do.
Just the way we are.
Always are we trying to be more.
The "modern human" is bullshit.
An illusion.
Doesn't exist.
Will never exist.
The human got so smart, it's unbelievebly stupid.
We will never be able to escape the "devil" deep inside.
Never will we be able to escape the hell, right here on earth.
Heaven and hell is everywere.
Life may be beautiful. But often, it really fucking sucks!
No matter how much the modern human is trying to deny that, is the GOD DAMN TRUTH!
Pain.
Laughs.
Power.
Blood.
Love.
Stealing.
Care.
Rape.
Trust.
The list could go on forever...
Face the truth, this will always be a part of you. A part of life. Of the world.
But why?
Why?
WHY??!

I don't know much.
But I have to question.
I have to seek my truth.
Just like you.

Love

To write.

To put your thoughts into words, is a challenge.
A war in your mind.
What stops you, is yourself.
Let go.
Give your hand freedom.
But yet, not too much.
You have to find tha balance between freedom and controle.
Create without being afraid.
Fill the paper with your soul.
Sort it out and structure it all with your mind.
The trick is, to ignore the questions coming from within.
Is this really important?
Why am I writing this?
Is this good enough?

I used to write. I stoped.
I stoped believing I could.

Love

My beloving Zambia (L)

Soooooon!!!! SOOOON I am coming!!
2 may 2010, I will stand on Zambian ground again!
Craaap is gone be goood!!!
Am starting to become nervous though :P
I cant stop thinking about it.
I am trying to get the permit to work at the hospital in my village Serenje.
So the papers could be a problem but from I heard it shouldnt be too difficult.
Probably I will stay for a year or so.
I JUST CANT WAIT!!!!

Love

My Breastreduction

Wendsday, 10 marsh 2010 it was time. It was my day.
Again I meet my doctor Carl Wadström at Sabbatsberg Hospital.
I cried of fear, but the staff were greate and managed to calm me down a bit.
It took me some time to get this surgury.
Firs time coming I was told to loose 8 kg n keep this weight for 6 months.
I lost about 13 kg, kept it for 6 months and came back.
Carl thought me breats alredy were smaller after the weightlost but said that if I still wanted to do it he would help me. And he could also see I had been fighting for it.
He put me on the waiting list and finally here I was.
I just could not understand that it was now happening for real.
To keep the tradition up I cried before they put the needle in my arm, I felt a hugh high and shortly after that I was gone...

When I wooke up 300 grams on each boob were gone and they were both uplifted.
That I just came from the operationtable did not stop me from being active when waking up. Though I was not able to handle it very well.
From pretending I was not tierd at aaaall I got to leave and get to my room quit fast.
Soon my parents came to visit me.
It was nice. They helped me to get my own clodes on after some nagging from my side.
I got come food which I ate slowly.
We talked for some time and I told them that everything went well, I just had a small bleeding during the surgury.
When they left I fell a sleep listening to slows in my mp3.
I woke up several times during the night, disturbing my neighbor.
Next morning after breakefast Carl came down and removed my bandage and I got to see my new boobs for the first time. They were very swollen and hard and they didnt feel like mine.
After that I got to take a shower with them and I could get a more close up look in the mirror. I could imagen the shape after they healed. Am sure it will be fine...
I was in pain and tierd so after my shower I fell a sleep again.
My dad came later to pick me up and brought me home.
It is paining a lot more now. They feel bigger then before the surgury...
But am sure it will soon be worth it.

Love