Everything I Built Up Got Destroyed

Love

Fear Is Just A Feeling, It Cant Kill You.

I was sometime ago watching LA Ink and one of Cats klients said that while telling the story behind her tatoo.

Fear is just a feeling, it cant kill you.

I like that. It made me think...

Cuz the truth is, my fear is controling me a lot.

I am afraid to be myself, of endings, of letting go of borders so that I can make the most of every moment, to fail, to get my heart broken again...I guess I am afraid of life in general.

I dont know what will happend on my journey.

Am much more afraid then exited about my life. That makes me so frustraited.

I hope I will find a way to get through it.

Cuz fear cant kill me, but knowing about everything my fear is holding me back from can.

Love

Luuuv dis video... (Janet ft. Missy Elliot)

'I Betcha Think This Song Is About You'

Love

Lovely Nemi

Barack Obama - Dreams From My Father

When I started reading this book I was very sceptical, and I was not going to let myself be impressed to easily. I thought probably the book is telling you a lot of bullshit to make him look good. But actully, I got impressed.
I really recommend you to read it. The book makes you think, makes you question your own valuues. It's a beautiful story.
Barack is good with words. Let's just hope that he will keep his promises and do good in America.
The book make me believe in that. He seams real, with a lot of experiences.

Love

Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my Room!

In our appartment in Vällingby I decide over how the livingroom should look like. My sister has the bedroom and kitchen. I have put a lot of African things in it, some from India also...
Am starting to like it anyway! Is nice... I'm goooooooooooood.

Love

Smoke

I dont like to smoke when...

I am hungry.

Or to full.

When I am tierd.

When it's snowing, raining och too windy...

If it's too hot.

Or too cold.

If I am the only one that wants to around friends.

Or if I feel lonely...

It has to be this perfect moment.
Theeeen, I love it!

And smoking when I am stressed is the beeeeeeeeeeest!

But since it's only in this few moments I like to, I know I never will be a smoker.

And I don't drink alcohol, didnt have anything for 3 years.

Just dont see the point. You look stupid and loose controle.

You just wanna drink cuz it tastes good? Plzz, coke tastes good also.

Love

Lovely Nemi

I Need To Be Were My Heart Is

Africa, and my hole program as a volonteer, changed me so much. I dont belong here anymore... I guess I will never really belong in Africa either but that is were my heart is.

There is no life for me here anymore. In Sweden I need my family and friends, money and education - but everything else seams now so pointless. That nobody here undertstands me is also very hard. People are asking me what can be so special about it? And they see me like some hero like I sacrified myself to go there and help all the poor, sick and unedjucated people. It's so bullshit! You know nothing! Of course they have problems, but there is so much more...!

Everyday I am asking myself what I am doing here. I miss my place in Zambia so much it hurts inside of me.

I cant explain with words what I feel there. I have tried many times.

The plan is for me to go to Tanzania and Zambia (maybe also Uganda and Kenya) in november, but if that wont happend I dont know what I will do...

Or actully yes I do, I will cry.

I would be gone for about 2 months. But still it's just not enough...

For sure I will spend a big part of my life in Africa, I know I will find my way there. I am just getting frustraited from all the time I have to wait... Sometimes I feel really desperate and I start thinking of every possible way for me to go. I need to. I just need it...

Love

Cat Von .D

LA Ink is my favourite show on TV and Cat is just the hottest woman ever!

Deffenetly someone that I look up too. She's strong. Not afraid to go her own way.

When I am watching it I get really inspired and I start to dream of new ideas.

I am not pleased with mine, most of them are not finished and...yeah just not good enough.

But I will keep working on them. Believe I will be happy in the end. All of them still means a lot to me and of course I dont regret doing them. They just need to be upgraded.

When will be the time for my next dose from ink and needles?

Love

Lovely Nemi

I Am Keeping My Tight Ass!!

During my 5 weeks in India and the weeks after when I got home I lost 10 kg.
In India I first got sick from the food and after that I felt no desire to eat at all.
Back home I first did very well in eating healthy, walking...
But now, my enemy is here...choclate!!!
Lord be with me!!!
Nooo moooooooooooree! Okaaaay???
My ass has got more tight and round, I am SO keeping it!
I would like to loose another 5 kg actully... But dont wanna be missunderstood - I DO NOT WANNA GET SKINNY PEOPLE!
Also, if I stay at this weight or loose a bit more I will be able to do my breastreduction for free. That is a big goal for me. It is gonna happend!
*Up For Fighting*

Love

Party de la Mexicana

The 10 aug my sister Sofie turned 20 years. Congrats sis!!!
One week later she and our parents together arranged a dinner with a mexican theme. It was very nice actully. I had a good time. I enjoyed talking more to my family.
I went for a walk with my brothers two daughters, they are now 4 and 7 years. I liked it... Am lookin forward to the day when I will have a child of my own. To spend time with children always hurt a bit also of course...but I never felt like this before. I really feel I want to get married, buy a hause and have children. Before I just thought it wasnt my style. Not really redy yet though...
I spend the night at my parents place and went back for work next morning. I was happy.

Sister and me.

Sofies friends Mohanned and Bashir.

Sofie about to cut the mexican cake. Mami and brother next to her.

Pretty Daddy

My borthers daughter Emilia.

Bashir holdin the piñata..

My brothers girlfriend Denise and daughter.

Ciao bella

Natty King - Mr. Greedy

Lovely Nemi <3

I Cant See The Beauty In You Anymore

Me and Demba were talkin for a long time about a week ago on the phone.
About everything. Discussed what went wrong and why.
We decided to meet when he got up to Stockholm again.

I dont love him.
But I am still IN love.
And I care.

Few days ago for the first time I truly realised something.
I dont want him.
He is not good enough for me.
Wonderful in many ways, but I need more.
And I have now faith in that I will find that one day.
I want to meet him and talk like we decided but it will never be us again.
It's sad...
But he wont change.

I am happy this days.
Am loving my life.

Love

The Pride Festival in Stockholm 2009

The week 27 JUL - 2 AUG I was working as a volonteer at the Pride Festival in Stockholm - the biggest one in Skandinaivia. The hole week just rocked!

I had so much fun and I meet lovely poeple.
My job was the stand at the Informationcenter. Difficult in the beginning but I learned pretty fast. I also signed up to work at the biggest thing of the week - The Pride Parade.

The brunett to the left is Julia that I meet at the kick-off Party. Cool chick.

Gaykiss.

Bought this one at Pride Park. Like it.

My favourites in the Pride Parade. Too damn sexy.

Love .Pride.