Mahatma Ghandi

This book was nominated to the Augustprice in 2008, n I can see why.
It is VERY well written, really! Woow!
You have to read it! Zac is amazing. Ghandi is amazing!!!
I have always been facinated by Ghandi. He is one of the coolest people that ever existed.
Ghandi is a big rolemodel for me.
Fantastic! Brilliant! Superdupercool!

Ever since I was a child, my dream has been to one day be a big person.
A person dat can be compared to Ghandi.
I dont need to be famous, working in politics like he did or anything.
Just in my own way.
I wanna be able to see the beauty in every person.
I want to see them for who they are.
Remember them.
Let them into my heart.
Apritiate them.
I wanna be thankful for everything I recieve,
and give without expecting anything back.
I want them to see my love for them shine through my eyes.
I wanna be a hand to hold when they try to raise.
I want to be their rock.
But before I do that, I want to be own rock.
I want to grow so high I'll be more afraid to fall then to fly.
I wanna be a fighter with a strong mind and inspire people to fight.
I wanna stand up for justice.
That's my dream, that's what keeps me going.
I will get there one day... I have to believe in that.
But now, I'm not evan close.
One day.

Love

Good bye my lover.

Evan I before said I didnt want much contact wit Demba, he called again.
Everytime he does, everytime I hear his voice...I'm back.
It makes me feel so close to him, it makes me feel calm n safe.
But I know it doesnt work, cuz everytime I am also hurting.
I know I hav to leave him behind me.
But it is so hard...I said it is over like one thousend times now.
I feel so silly.
Is jus that...I was so in love!!
I was naiv enough to believe that it would be you n me always.
I thought that you would always be there for me, n I would always be there for you.
Never hav I felt so close to anyone.
I loved you so damn much.
I never saw it coming.
Why couldnt u jus hav been real??
I miss having you beside me so much.
Often I manage to pretend I dont care, but of course I do.
You will always, always, always hav a part of my heart.
I know it doesnt seam like it, but I came so far on the way to let you go.
It took me so long to get were I am now.
I am ok without you.
But you keep coming back...
You cant do that!
I will never give you the chance to hurt me again. Ever.
Thats why, I called you to say good-bye. Again.
It is supposed to be a final one.
A no-more-contact-at-all-one.
You cried.
I cried.
I didnt want to.
But I had to.
I'm sorry my stupid tiger...
In a way I still love you.
But I have to leave you behind me now! I HAVE TO!
Please, please help me to be strong enough...
Please! PLEASE!!!

Lucky

About a month ago I called Demba n said I didnt wanna be wit him again n dat I am fo sure not coming to Gambia.
N today, I went on facebook n saw a picture wit him walkin wit someone. Den I saw, it was Eva... My heart jus stopped beating.
Crap... SHE is wit him in Gambia. THEY will get married.
I deleted him on Facebook so I wouldnt hav to see anythin more.
How could she do that? How can she be so week?
This will hurt a short time, but I am ok.
I am happy I am not her, I'm happy I said no.
I'm happy I wont be the one he will keep hurting. Destroying.
I feel lucky.
Now is all over.

Love

I'm Moving In

I jus moved out from the appartment I shared wit my sister in Vällingby.
Now I stay wit my friend Filippa in Brandbergen, I rent a room at her place.
Is cool so far! :)
She stayes wit her twins Aeon and Atreyu. And her boyfriend and sister spends a lot of time there.
It felt shit I had to move from Vällingby but I kinda like it here. Is nice, a lot of action!
I stay in the childrens playroom, haha is very cute! :) The wall is painted like a castle.

I told Demba some time ago that I didnt wanna hav much contact wit him also. It was hard to do it, but I am proud of myself.
I feel free now, still miss him though.
It was for sure the best thing to do.
Dont feel angry wit him...I truly wish him the best.
I hope he will treat his next lady better...

Love

To Cheat Or Not To Cheat, Dat's The Damn Question.

If I tell my story, my listeneres think you are the biggest ashole.
A liar, a hor, a backstabber.
I can feel like that when I'm angry wich is not often. But maybe I should be angry! I know I have the right to be. I guess I am too nice, too understanding. And too damn naiv.
But you know what? I'm done.

Cuz I learned dat when theres nothin more u can get from me, you don't care.
I'm done caring too.

What you did was no mistakes, you put up a fight to make it happen. All for you.
You selfish, greedy, cruel, nasty lil sun of a bitch!
I got no respect for you left.

You remember dis picture... dat I took on you when you were sleeping. If I look at it dis times I cry. Cuz I remember exactly how I felt in dis moment.
I admired you. I was so thankful I had you der. Nothin had ever been so beautiful to me.
I tried to capture your beauty on the camera, I was gettin angry cuz it didnt work.
Like I was afraid it would disapear. And it did.

I've been trying to understand you. I want to know how you think, how you look at it. I hav jus not been able to believe that you are not what I thought you were. But I got no more nice words for you, cuz I'm done tryin.
This time I am really done. I've said it many times before, I know.
But this time, I'm able to let go. I'm done.
I don't need you. I will get there on my own. You'll see.


If you really love someone, how can she not be enough?
Why do you always hunger for more?
How can it be worth it?
Is it your ego dat needs dat?
Evan my valuues has changed a lot after everything that happend, I know for sure I would never ever hav done the same to you.
I felt so strongly dat I was only yours, my body belonged to you and I would never let anyone else touch it. But I guess you were never really mine.
How can you be so selfish....
Life is not a joke! You are hurting real people dat matters jus as much as you. So who the fuck are you...what gives you the right?
Why is your ego n sexual needs more important then her?
Whats the point?

I'm So Done.

Love

Lovely Nemi

Hahaha Susan Boyle duuuuuude....

Lazy?

Haven't been writing in some time...
Maybe yeah, a bit cuz am lazy...
But also I had problems dat I hav been stressed out about.
N I'm tierd of writing about my problems here...come oooon.
Am such a crybaby...
All I look forward to now is to jus go to Africa...
Which will probably be on my own in jan-feb.
Am tierd of prosponding.
But I feel like is better I am sure of dat I hav enough $$$ so I can stay longer cuz after dis time I will probably not be able to go for years...
I look forward to my adventure. :)
So much...
To jus throw myself out there, meet new people, discover new places....
Being in my village. My home.
Love

Lovely Nemi

Pippi Långstrump

Fy fabian va jag önskar att jag va lika het som Pippi!

Love

Got my Hair Done

Today I went to a gymnasium were they are educating students to become hairdressers.

I got Mikaela.

She was a very nice girl. Very cute...

Since they are learing it's cheaper but it takes a lot longer time - I put only colour in my hair n I was there between 13-17. She didnt find the time to cut it so I will have to go back.

But I really enjoyed talking to her and she took good care of me :)

She will be succesful working for sure.

My hair looks kinda natural, like what I had before. But nice!

I had a good time anyway.

Love

Lovely Nemi

I Don't Speak

Plans, feelings, tears...
So much is going on.
Usually I need to tell the people close to me what I am going through.
But now I can't, and I don't want to.
I just don't wanna have the discussion.
But I will have to have it sooner or later...

Love

I'm Better Then This, What Happend To Me?

What I thought I would never do, I just did.
How could I?
I hurt you, for nothing...
I am so sorry my love... So sorry.
This aint me.
I try to do right always!
How could I...

Love

Africa comin up?? :D

Sooon soooon, maybe I'm going!
Dont yet know for sure, if and how is gon happend.
But believing makes me the happiest girl in the hooole world!
*SMILE*
Thats all I can tell you for now, but will get back to you for more details.

Love

Everything I Built Up Got Destroyed

Love

Fear Is Just A Feeling, It Cant Kill You.

I was sometime ago watching LA Ink and one of Cats klients said that while telling the story behind her tatoo.

Fear is just a feeling, it cant kill you.

I like that. It made me think...

Cuz the truth is, my fear is controling me a lot.

I am afraid to be myself, of endings, of letting go of borders so that I can make the most of every moment, to fail, to get my heart broken again...I guess I am afraid of life in general.

I dont know what will happend on my journey.

Am much more afraid then exited about my life. That makes me so frustraited.

I hope I will find a way to get through it.

Cuz fear cant kill me, but knowing about everything my fear is holding me back from can.

Love

Luuuv dis video... (Janet ft. Missy Elliot)

'I Betcha Think This Song Is About You'

Love

Lovely Nemi

Barack Obama - Dreams From My Father

When I started reading this book I was very sceptical, and I was not going to let myself be impressed to easily. I thought probably the book is telling you a lot of bullshit to make him look good. But actully, I got impressed.
I really recommend you to read it. The book makes you think, makes you question your own valuues. It's a beautiful story.
Barack is good with words. Let's just hope that he will keep his promises and do good in America.
The book make me believe in that. He seams real, with a lot of experiences.

Love

Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my Room!

In our appartment in Vällingby I decide over how the livingroom should look like. My sister has the bedroom and kitchen. I have put a lot of African things in it, some from India also...
Am starting to like it anyway! Is nice... I'm goooooooooooood.

Love

Smoke

I dont like to smoke when...

I am hungry.

Or to full.

When I am tierd.

When it's snowing, raining och too windy...

If it's too hot.

Or too cold.

If I am the only one that wants to around friends.

Or if I feel lonely...

It has to be this perfect moment.
Theeeen, I love it!

And smoking when I am stressed is the beeeeeeeeeeest!

But since it's only in this few moments I like to, I know I never will be a smoker.

And I don't drink alcohol, didnt have anything for 3 years.

Just dont see the point. You look stupid and loose controle.

You just wanna drink cuz it tastes good? Plzz, coke tastes good also.

Love

Lovely Nemi

I Need To Be Were My Heart Is

Africa, and my hole program as a volonteer, changed me so much. I dont belong here anymore... I guess I will never really belong in Africa either but that is were my heart is.

There is no life for me here anymore. In Sweden I need my family and friends, money and education - but everything else seams now so pointless. That nobody here undertstands me is also very hard. People are asking me what can be so special about it? And they see me like some hero like I sacrified myself to go there and help all the poor, sick and unedjucated people. It's so bullshit! You know nothing! Of course they have problems, but there is so much more...!

Everyday I am asking myself what I am doing here. I miss my place in Zambia so much it hurts inside of me.

I cant explain with words what I feel there. I have tried many times.

The plan is for me to go to Tanzania and Zambia (maybe also Uganda and Kenya) in november, but if that wont happend I dont know what I will do...

Or actully yes I do, I will cry.

I would be gone for about 2 months. But still it's just not enough...

For sure I will spend a big part of my life in Africa, I know I will find my way there. I am just getting frustraited from all the time I have to wait... Sometimes I feel really desperate and I start thinking of every possible way for me to go. I need to. I just need it...

Love

Cat Von .D

LA Ink is my favourite show on TV and Cat is just the hottest woman ever!

Deffenetly someone that I look up too. She's strong. Not afraid to go her own way.

When I am watching it I get really inspired and I start to dream of new ideas.

I am not pleased with mine, most of them are not finished and...yeah just not good enough.

But I will keep working on them. Believe I will be happy in the end. All of them still means a lot to me and of course I dont regret doing them. They just need to be upgraded.

When will be the time for my next dose from ink and needles?

Love

Lovely Nemi

I Am Keeping My Tight Ass!!

During my 5 weeks in India and the weeks after when I got home I lost 10 kg.
In India I first got sick from the food and after that I felt no desire to eat at all.
Back home I first did very well in eating healthy, walking...
But now, my enemy is here...choclate!!!
Lord be with me!!!
Nooo moooooooooooree! Okaaaay???
My ass has got more tight and round, I am SO keeping it!
I would like to loose another 5 kg actully... But dont wanna be missunderstood - I DO NOT WANNA GET SKINNY PEOPLE!
Also, if I stay at this weight or loose a bit more I will be able to do my breastreduction for free. That is a big goal for me. It is gonna happend!
*Up For Fighting*

Love

Party de la Mexicana

The 10 aug my sister Sofie turned 20 years. Congrats sis!!!
One week later she and our parents together arranged a dinner with a mexican theme. It was very nice actully. I had a good time. I enjoyed talking more to my family.
I went for a walk with my brothers two daughters, they are now 4 and 7 years. I liked it... Am lookin forward to the day when I will have a child of my own. To spend time with children always hurt a bit also of course...but I never felt like this before. I really feel I want to get married, buy a hause and have children. Before I just thought it wasnt my style. Not really redy yet though...
I spend the night at my parents place and went back for work next morning. I was happy.

Sister and me.

Sofies friends Mohanned and Bashir.

Sofie about to cut the mexican cake. Mami and brother next to her.

Pretty Daddy

My borthers daughter Emilia.

Bashir holdin the piñata..

My brothers girlfriend Denise and daughter.

Ciao bella

Natty King - Mr. Greedy

Lovely Nemi <3

I Cant See The Beauty In You Anymore

Me and Demba were talkin for a long time about a week ago on the phone.
About everything. Discussed what went wrong and why.
We decided to meet when he got up to Stockholm again.

I dont love him.
But I am still IN love.
And I care.

Few days ago for the first time I truly realised something.
I dont want him.
He is not good enough for me.
Wonderful in many ways, but I need more.
And I have now faith in that I will find that one day.
I want to meet him and talk like we decided but it will never be us again.
It's sad...
But he wont change.

I am happy this days.
Am loving my life.

Love

The Pride Festival in Stockholm 2009

The week 27 JUL - 2 AUG I was working as a volonteer at the Pride Festival in Stockholm - the biggest one in Skandinaivia. The hole week just rocked!

I had so much fun and I meet lovely poeple.
My job was the stand at the Informationcenter. Difficult in the beginning but I learned pretty fast. I also signed up to work at the biggest thing of the week - The Pride Parade.

The brunett to the left is Julia that I meet at the kick-off Party. Cool chick.

Gaykiss.

Bought this one at Pride Park. Like it.

My favourites in the Pride Parade. Too damn sexy.

Love .Pride.

Lovely Nemi <3

Nemi är en tecknad serie som skapades i den norska utgåvan av tidningen Larson år 1997 av norskan Lise Myhre. Huvudperson är Nemi Montoya, svartklädd metaltjej, som är cynisk och romantisk. En viktig roll spelas också av Nemis bästa kompis Cyan, som utgör den "normala motpolen" till Nemi. Serien började som dagsstrip och blev snabbt mycket populär, och samlingar med stripparna plus längre avsnitt finns även i form av album. Sedan en tid tillbaka finns även en månadstidning med Nemi där bland andra även seriefigurerna Lenore, Kalle och Hobbe, Arne Anka, Death Junior och Reservatet publiceras eller har publicerats.
Avsnitt som inte publicerats i dagspressen handlar om ensamhet (bland annat en tolkning av Edgar Allan Poes Alone) och komplicerade relationer (bland annat hur dåligt Cyan mår av att hennes pojkvän lämnar henne), och visar på en vilja att driva persongalleriet i Nemi bort från en ytliga hårdheten mot en mera komplicerad vuxenseriekaraktär. Nemis svaghet är choklad och muffins. Nemis favoritdjur är drakar och pangoliner.

.The kick-off Party for The Pride Festivals volonteers.

I was exited to go to meet new people, but also scared since I didnt know anybody there.
Dont like this situations.
I was first standing wit my cellphone acting busy, when I realised how stupid dat was I just got in the line to get food.
Wit my plate finished I looked around, I noticed two gurls standing around a small table dat didnt look to scary.
I went for it.
And THANK GOD they said of course I could eat wit them n we introduced.
I really enjoyed talking to them, they were interesting people.
After eating n talkin some more we decided to go dancing.
I had fun n they played good n mixed music dat could fit for everyone, good job DJ!

Later I went out to hav a ciggarete wit one of the girls. We stood outside talkin n when I finished it she said she was goin back home, I decided to join her. Nice person... Cute, social, funny. I liked her. We changed numbers and went seperate ways at the centralstation.

Goin home I felt good. I love the volonteerlife! Cant wait to start working on the festival.

Love

Good old Days

HAHAHAHAHA
I miss dis times...
Emmzz my love, good luck in LA!
Hope you will find your American Dream.

Love

.BodyArt.

I love love love tatoos.

Cant wait to update mine.

Missin the cash though...

Love

.Update of my pathetic Love Life.

Sooo, again Demba seames to be back in my life.

If he will stay in it is the question, but I doubt it.

2 weeks ago maybe he called cuz of dat I called his friend to ask about the money he ows me.

Cuz himself he didnt reply my message.

During the conversation I started crying,

all dis is too stressful.

He is sayin dat he has done nothing wrong of course.

But I dont believe him.

And I am happy now, I found my peace.

I wont let him mess dat up for me.

We talked few times on the phone after that,

and yesterday we meet in town so that he would give me another 500 kr and later we would go clubbin. We talked quit a lot...

I was angry every now n then, bringing him attitude and stupid comments about his new girlfriend.

But...I had fun.

And I loved just being wit him again.

I loved pretending everything was fine.

Few days earlier my friend Emma asked me, so u dont think dat when u meet him your feelings will blow up again?

I said no. Silly silly Magda...

How could I forget the way I feel when I am wit him?

He is still somehow for me the only one,

I still love the person I thought he was and still want him to be so badly.

I want that person back.

This was not how it was supposed end.

It was supposed to be me and him always.

To date new people feels for me so pointless,

cuz I doubt I will feel like this for anybody else.

Nothing compares to him.

This night I was dancing a lot wit him,

I realised how much I missed to feel him close.

Our chemestry makes my heart beat faster n I feel so relaxed.

He says he wants to start seing me again.

When I am wit him after some time he makes me so weak.

My logic is no longer there.

It feels right.

He gets the power over my heart.

Next day I was crying a lot.

Because I would love to start seeing him again.

He was not just an ordinary crush.

What he made me feel I cant describe wit words.

I want, but I shouldnt. I cant and I wont.

But I want.

I want his words to be true.

Know its stupid after everything he did, I know I am naiv.

But I cant help it.

I'm a fool.

Love

Lovely Nemi <3

The King of Pop - RIP

They did such a cool job to honur him. Much love to you.

Rasism - George M. Fredrickson

När jag såg den här boken i hyllan i Vällingby Centrums bokaffär tvekade jag inte en sekund innan jag köpte den!!
Tyckte den verkade superintressant, snyggt omslag.... Jag var såld.
Jag har nu tagit mig igenom knappt halva, meen....jag ger upp!!! Jag klarar det inte! Jag vill ju verkligen men de går inte!
Den är så fruktansvärt tråkig!
Okej, den här väl sina moments liksom och intressant fakta. Men jag kommer knappt ihåg någonting av vad jag läst, kan inte koncentrera mig.
Hur kan den ha fått så bra kritik av både DN och Svenska Dagbladet?
Herregud!
Den är enformig och tjatig och är skriven på ett sätt som politiker pratar på när de vill låta smarta men igentligen bara vill prata bort ämnet så att man inte hinner med.
Eller...så kan du ju också vara jag som bara e blond.

Love