Africa, and my hole program as a volonteer, changed me so much. I dont belong here anymore... I guess I will never really belong in Africa either but that is were my heart is.
There is no life for me here anymore. In Sweden I need my family and friends, money and education - but everything else seams now so pointless. That nobody here undertstands me is also very hard. People are asking me what can be so special about it? And they see me like some hero like I sacrified myself to go there and help all the poor, sick and unedjucated people. It's so bullshit! You know nothing! Of course they have problems, but there is so much more...!
Everyday I am asking myself what I am doing here. I miss my place in Zambia so much it hurts inside of me.
I cant explain with words what I feel there. I have tried many times.
The plan is for me to go to Tanzania and Zambia (maybe also Uganda and Kenya) in november, but if that wont happend I dont know what I will do...
Or actully yes I do, I will cry.
I would be gone for about 2 months. But still it's just not enough...
For sure I will spend a big part of my life in Africa, I know I will find my way there. I am just getting frustraited from all the time I have to wait... Sometimes I feel really desperate and I start thinking of every possible way for me to go. I need to. I just need it...
Love
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