I Dream.

I dream about my future.
Our future.
To me, what I dream about is paradise.
Everything I want.
Everything I have been searching for.

Swetting when returning back from the potatofield in the morning.
To smile while greating the dogs that are coming to meet me when I reach the hause.
Pooring the rest of the cold water over my head when I finished bathing.
Being so focused on the papers in the office I wont hear you talk.
Feeling peace as I walk beside the cows in the sun on the way to the next field of fresh grass.
Having my pride, motivation and care lead me as I give the disabled a chance to be able.
And maybe, having my heart guide me as I advice and assist people to be wise in making decisions consearning their partners.
Feel the drums in my body as I dance.
Smile to the people when I get out of the truck in town.
To hear my childs laugh in my head when waiting, touching my round stomech.
I want to be strong.
Free.
Happy.
Proud.
A mother.
A wife.
And all of this, I want to be next to you.
Amazing you.
To me, you are my home.
But maybe I am wrong.
Again.
Maybe I am terrified.
But I will stay.
I will stay on that edge.
Believing that you will reach out for my hand.
Knowing that you have the chance to push me.
I will stay.
Waiting.
Believing you.
Terrified.

I dream about my life.
A diffrent kind of life.
With you.
I dream about that life, with my family next to me.
My dream and my family, together.
But my dream is not their dream.
I am forced, to choose.
I dont want to choose.
Why do I have to choose?
How can I choose?
How can I choose between my family and my dream?
I cant choose.
I cant.
Please.
I beg you.
Don't force me to.
You can't force me to.

Love